Monday, November 24, 2008

Counting Chickens Before They Hatch on The Cusp of a Brave New World/A Really Convoluted Title That Tried to Sound Whitty

On top of the fact that we NOW have a series of World Changing events that has happened in the last election, (you know, earlier this month? What? You missed it? Where you, under a friggin' rock? Everybody and their mother knew about it! It was like the culmination of good versus evil in the voting booths! I wouldn't have been surprised if Obama and McCain whipped out lightsabers and started trying to force choke the shit out of each other! Anyway, there was a presidential election and some guy won, it's historical and world altering. Seriously, you should read more.) I've been trying to get work.
It's been tough, and as I look over at my trusty marker board that I've been using to keep track of the amount of jobs that I've applied to, using tickmarks like some sort of character from an Alexandre Dumas novel, (Look it up, you'll enjoy the reference, and a little bit of intellectual leg work is good for your brain.) I realize that to date, I have sent out my resume approximately sixty two time and have not gotten a response yet. IT would be angering and sad if I weren't trying, or were under experienced, or even not looking for jobs that aren't in my field, but it isn't so. I've applied at the Golden Arches, Stop n' Shop, Wal Mart, Burlington Coat Factory, Pizza Hut, Bank of America, and the like, only to have received no phone calls.
This new president had better have a degree from fucking Hogwart's, (there, an easier reference for you, don't hurt yourself) because I'm fresh out of ideas, leads and patience with the hiring process.

You'd think with all of this time on my hands, that I'd have posted a whole bunch of work on this blog, showing anyone who reads it that I've been productive, which I have, just not really artistically, more spiritually and personally.

I've been pouring over books; biographies, psychology, philosophy, self help, classic fiction, mythology, anything to help me figure things out and give myself a boost.

If you're wondering if whether or not I have depression issues, then you've most likely hit the nail on the head. After doing a LOT of research, I'm leaning strongly towards Toxic Anger syndrome. It's like depression, except you're an asshole for no specific rhyme or reason and it makes you incredibly sad about your life and the parts of it that you've ruined.

Of which, I plan to touch on.

I had the greatest Saturday.
Y'see, it's been a long time since I've hung out with Keri, Matt and Riley altogether for longer than two hours, due to travel time and distance and Matt's schedule for eating and sleeping. Which is extremely important to a developing child for intellect and psychological reasons. This past Saturday, I'd gotten to see them for just about the whole day, except for when my downstairs neighbor sprung a birthday party on me as I was headed out the door to go and see K and M.
I enjoyed myself thoroughly.
It was great to see Keri and know that she'd wanted to spend time around me, even if she's incredibly angry with me still. It was great to see Matthew and his facial expressions, to see how he's coming along, rather than hearing about it on the phone, and to see his character develop into something more than I'd had the courage to develop at his age. It was also great to her Riley sing. I'd heard it softly this weekend and turned down the radio. She actually has a good voice when she's not clowning around with it.

I don't want to go into too much detail about the day. Counting Chickens before they hatch is poor taste and judgment, but suffice it to say, I've got a road ahead of me that I'm not afraid to walk anymore and even though it's long and looks rough, it's a road that is going to bring me to great places.

I've grown a bit over the past few months. I've learned to control my feelings a lot more, to be restrained and respectful, moreso than I've been in the past. I've learned to objectively look at myself and express the things about me that I'm not too fond of, and nourish the things that I'm proud of.

I'll leave some images from this past Halloween and from this past weekend.

I know I'll enjoy seeing them here as a reminder and as inspiration, but I hope that you enjoy them too.

Here's to Christmas wishes and morning hair smells.


New England Bites said...

OMG, Ed. Your kids are so adorable.

Laura :)

Edward S. Smith Jr. said...


The great part is that Matt is as strong, beautiful and smart as Keri and Riley is as funny, artistic and humorous as me.